Lists and lists
And lists and lists and lists --
My head is filled with a million to do’s.
The dr appointments for me, my kids and pets--
Every second, every hour is planned to the tea,
Yet somehow I have another 20 appointments that I still haven’t yet made.
Don’t forget to make their lunch tonight for school in the morning--
She likes pb&j with chips and a pickle.
A dill pickle.
A Grillo brand dill pickle.
Whose birthday party are we supposed to go to this weekend?
Do I have the mom’s number? Should I ask her what to get her?
Did I remember to tell my husband?
Will he be upset that we have to go to another kid party this weekend?
When should I tell him? 15 minutes after dinner?
What is for dinner?
Did I remember to get the butter?
One kid has a tummy bug and only the BRAT diet will do.
A protein, a fruit, a --
We ran out of veggies.
Write it on the list-
The never ending list.
Speaking of lists-
What do we need for tomorrow?
Lunches, backpacks, the class snack for one kid and outfits for both but wait--
What is the weather?
Does he have a jacket that still fits?
Where are his jackets?
Oh, at the bottom of this closet pit.
45 minutes later and I discover,
2T is the largest size he has.
He’s a 3T now, sometimes 4T.
Should I make an overnight Prime purchase?
Never mind, too late.
Target has same day pickup, right?
Looks like they have 1 more jacket in his size.
Maybe I can pick it up on the way to get the cat food.
Did I remember to reach out to my friend about her sick cat?
That was 2 weeks ago-
I hope she doesn’t hate me.
that pelvic floor pain of mine-
What did she say my exercises were this time?
2 sets of 10 or 2 sets of 5?
I need to put up the turkey handprints they made from school.
If I was a good mom, I’d have individual bins for each child with categorized folders I could put this stuff in.
Where did our neighbor get hers again?
Oh wow- that’s a lot of different bins!
The turkey handprints will be fine in this pile,
The one I keep in our room in the closet.
One of these days I will organize this space
And turn it into a cloffice for work.
I love the cute things they bring home from school--
I can’t believe my oldest starts kinder in the fall!
Do I know any other moms whose kids are going to that school?
It has the largest campus of all of the district’s schools--
Will she be overwhelmed
Or get lost amongst her peers?
What is the teacher retention rate there?
Does it have a Spanish program,
Or a program for the gifted?
That other school in the neighborhood 5 minutes away
Is supposed to be better in almost every way.
Am I a bad mom for sending her here?
Why wasn’t I louder about this being a big deal?
The day we said yes to this house,
I remember my husband said he would be open to talking about it when that day was finally here.
The time is here if I had to guess.
Kindergarten is in 9 months-
Perhaps I will bring it up.
“Can’t you ever just be happy with where we are and what we have?”
Is all I hear.
Everyone is preaching gratitude
and needing to be thankful for what & who we have.
But gratitude is hard to find when all day long,
you’re keeping track of what you don’t have yet
and all the things you haven’t done yet and are behind.
Why do others like to automatically assume
That when it comes to moms asking for support,
That what she really needs is more gratitude?
I think the answer comes from the direction of what she’s asking.
Support means energy from outside of her
Is needed to fill her back up again.
Gratitude must come from inside.
Oh, I get it now.
You don’t want to do it.
Wouldn’t it be nice?
If she just kept quiet and never complained?
If she never needed support
And you never had to deal
With the never ending lists and lists
Of things she needs to do.