![]() As a therapist who works with women navigating life with ADHD, particularly moms, I hear a lot about the struggles, frustrations, and often, feelings of failure and rejection sensitivity that can surface. Not only do I hear this a lot but as an ADHD mom of two, I’ve lived it. If you're a mom with ADHD, you likely know these feelings intimately. You may feel like you're constantly juggling too many balls, with some inevitably dropping, no matter how hard you try to keep it all together. And in those moments, that critical inner voice might pop up, questioning your abilities, your worth, and even your identity as a "good" mom. But what if we pause and listen to that voice—not to validate its criticisms but to better understand it? Using the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS), we can begin to recognize that this critical part is just one of many parts within you. Each part has its own role, often developed in response to your life experiences, and its intentions, while sometimes misguided, are ultimately protective. In other words, you are not a bad mom, other moms are likely not intentionally excluding you because of something you did, and it’s okay to struggle in motherhood at times. ![]() The Daily Struggle: When ADHD Meets Motherhood Being a mom with ADHD can feel like you're living in a whirlwind. The constant demands of motherhood—planning meals, keeping track of appointments, managing school activities, all while working or maintaining a household—can be overwhelming for anyone. But when your brain naturally struggles with attention, organization, and focus, these tasks can feel insurmountable. You might forget things like important dates or where you left the car keys for the third time today. And when that happens, you may notice a part of you that feels deep frustration or even shame. These parts of us that hold self-criticism are often trying to protect us from failure by pushing us to "do better." But their methods can leave us feeling stuck and inadequate. In IFS, we see these feelings as different parts of you—some that carry the burden of distraction, overwhelm, or guilt, and others that are trying to keep you in control. Neither is wrong. Both are valid. And each part deserves compassion and understanding. The Inner Critic: Understanding the Role of the “Manager” One part that often shows up for moms with ADHD is the Manager. This part tends to set high standards, constantly reminding you to be more organized, more productive, or more patient. When things slip through the cracks (as they inevitably will, because you're human), the Manager might come in with harsh critiques: “Why can't you get it together? Other moms seem to handle this just fine!” What if instead of letting the Manager run the show, we paused and got curious? What does this part of you really want? Often, it's simply trying to protect you from failure or from feeling inadequate. But when the Manager becomes too dominant, it can lead to feelings of exhaustion and self-doubt. By acknowledging this part and listening to its fears, you can begin to shift the dynamic and respond with compassion, rather than letting it rule your inner world. ![]() The Distracted Part: Offering Compassion, Not Shame Another common part that shows up is the Distracted or Overwhelmed part. This part might feel like it's always lagging behind or dropping the ball. It’s the part of you that forgets to sign permission slips, leaves laundry in the washer for days, or zones out during important conversations with your kids. In IFS, we don’t view this part as a failure. Instead, we recognize it as a part carrying a heavy burden. Often, it's trying to navigate the chaotic world of motherhood while managing an ADHD brain. Rather than letting shame take over, what if you approached this part with compassion? It’s not lazy or irresponsible. It's just trying to cope with an overwhelming world in the best way it knows how. Embracing All Parts: Moving Toward Wholeness The beauty of working within an IFS framework is that it helps us see all our parts, not just the ones we label as “bad” or “problematic.” Every part of you—even the critical Manager or the overwhelmed Distracted part—has a reason for being. When you learn to recognize these parts without judgment, and instead bring curiosity and compassion, you begin to heal from within. As a mom with ADHD, it’s easy to feel like you're constantly falling short. But what if you could learn to listen to those parts of you that feel so critical or overwhelmed? What if you could give them space to express their fears and concerns, and then reassure them that you are doing the best you can? You’re not just one "part" of yourself. You are many parts, all working to help you navigate the complexities of life, motherhood, and ADHD. When you embrace this idea, you begin to shift the narrative from *I'm failing* to *I am enough, exactly as I am*. And that shift can open the door to more self-compassion, resilience, and ultimately, joy in your journey as a mom. You Are Enough If you're reading this and recognizing parts of yourself—whether it's the critical Manager or the distracted Overwhelmed part—I want to remind you that you are not alone. Motherhood is hard. ADHD adds its own unique challenges. But you are not failing. You are simply navigating life with a different set of tools. By embracing all parts of yourself with kindness, you can create a more compassionate, supportive inner environment—one that allows you to thrive, not just as a mom with ADHD, but as the whole person you are. You're doing enough. You are enough. --- Remember, every part of you is worthy of compassion. When you take the time to listen to your parts with curiosity, rather than judgment, you can start to shift the way you experience both motherhood and ADHD. You're not alone in this journey, and healing is always possible—one part at a time.
2 Comments
Limor Barzilay
10/18/2024 07:09:53 am
I want to take a moment to express my deep gratitude to an incredible man who helped me during one of the most challenging times in my life. After a major disagreement, my husband and I found ourselves on the brink of divorce. It felt like everything we had built together was slipping away. That’s when I reached out for help, and through his guidance, we were able to rebuild the trust and connection we had lost. His advice was thoughtful and full of compassion, helping us communicate better and see the love we still had for each other. Today, my marriage is stronger than ever, and I owe so much of that to his support. I’m forever grateful [email protected] or his website :
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Noel Patricio
1/11/2025 02:41:18 pm
A Life-Changing Experience, Dr Kachi A Testimony of Gratitude
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